Please Hold

For my analytical chemistry lab (affectionately and appropriatedly known as 'anal chem'), we had the exciting task of analyzing our urine this week. Yup. Pee in the cup then take a look at it. And this was no doctor's office where you just hand it off after you're done with the job. There was keeping in the fridge overnight involved. (Fearing ostracization, Vita-K didn't tell her roommate about it and just stuck the yellow bottles in the fridge without notice... delicious.) And if it wasn't bad enough, when I finally got to turn it in, it was pouring outside, so there I was, awkwardly walking around campus, carrying a wet plastic bag with two bottles of my urine inside. YiPee. We had to take two samples: a blank, and one with quinine, and they had to labeled accordingly. Some kids in the class elegantly put their name on a small corner of the label and left it at that. But where's the fun in that? I proclaimed mine as my pee in large block letters. Vita-K suggested "Urination of [My Name]" to make it sound more celebratory. I preferred "Pee de [Last Name]" for the fancier tone, and in my case, a nice rhyme. But it sounded too much like my brother's name. So I stuck with the label that said PEE. Classy.

Over breakfast the other day, discussing (what else, but) poop and pee, I mentioned that we were testing for quinine levels in our samples.

Bobs: What's quinine?

Moi: It's a sort of bark, I think. They use it to cure malaria.

Bobs: Is there a malaria outbreak on campus?

Everyone: Yes, Bobs. You better get on that story. Go, report!

Bobs: Crap. If there's an outbreak then we're going to need quinine. And right now, there's only one place I know that has quinine...

And there you have it, my favorite line of the week.

In Defense of Blogger

The Prof of The Hip

Other kids have good relationships with their advisors, relationships built on mutual respect and interest for a particular subject. So I needed to see the Band Man about a paper today...

Band Man: What up!?

Moi: 'What up?' What? Not much? ... What up wid you?

Band Man: Just chilling.

Moi: This is why kids think you're a cool professor, 'cause you talk like that?

Band: Yeah, I use this newfangled language you crazy kids use.

(Later)

Band Man: And there's a book I'll bring up in lecture later in the semester. Let me just find it.

Moi: Yay. Can't wait.

Band Man: I know. My lectures are so exciting.

Housekeeping

The move here is almost complete. In a few days, this should be a permanent space. No more Xanga. In the meantime, Anonymous has got to stop harassing me. Oh, Lenordita. Remind me to share the story of carrying two bottles of urine in the rain. That was loads of fun. But unless someone is going to step up to finish my papers/take homes for me, I've got to go work. You tell your own stories.

They Tell No Tales

So Richie found a human skull. It was dark. He was in Japan. What more do you want?

(It was dark. She was tired. They went swimming?)

Alarmed, as is the natural reaction toward such sightings, Richie and Friends went to the cops. Cops asked them where skull came from. Afraid that they'd be arrested (they were en route to breaking into a monkey zoo...), they hesitantly retraced their steps (not step by step, but a general idea) for the police, going through narrow paths and climbing over a lot of fences while hoping the cops don't ask questions. It was getting late and everyone was a little spooked. Then they came along this far out side of some path, went down its really steep hill, and found a pile of clothes. What stood out first was a bone jutting out of the pile.

Moi: So you discovered a crime scene?! How are you not traumatized?!

Richie: It wasn't a crime scene. We didn't know at the time, but they found out later he was a 78 year old man that probably just got lost and disoriented, fell, and went undiscovered. Yeah, so the police told us to kneel down by it so they could take pictures.

Moi: You had to kneel by a dead guy?

Richie: We kept thinking, 'are you serious? What?! My Japanese isn't that great but I could've sworn that's what he said.' But they had to take pictures and wanted us to kneel.

Moi: That's so absurd. You discovered a body?! You saw a skull.

Richie: Yeah, and a week later, there was an earthquake. I had a good time there though. It's a great place.

(He didn't kneel.)

I can't wait to study abroad.

It's My Father's (Gingerbread) House

Last night, went with KASA (the Korean American Student Association) down to Portland for some sushi and bubble tea. I know. Sri Lankan. Not Korean. But my last name passes me from nationality to nationality quite easily. Plus, the majority of those that went were Chinese. I think the final break down was 6 Koreans, 6 Chinese, 1 Vietnamese, 1 Burmese, and 1 Jewess. Then there was me, the Sri Lankan. Most kids present, Chinese, Burmese, Korean, or otherwise, were unfortunate enough to either have taken Chinese on campus or in the midst of it, so the air of Chinese dominance hung so thick in the air that we thought of an internal coup- changing the name from KASA to CASA. (I suggested CHASA, still pronounced the same, but would weed out a few confused Spaniards.) The evening was mainly nondescript, until waiting in line, talking to Richie, who I vaguely, vaguely know, and he relayed this story...

Moi: So where'd you study abroad last year?

Richie: Japan.

Moi: Oh yeah? How'd you like it?

Richie: It was great. I found a skull there.

Moi: Uh... uh... er... how? Weren't you concerned?

Richie: Yeah, it was a little scary.

Moi: Was it a human skull?

Richie: We thought it was a monkey one first, because my friends and I were trying to break into a monkey zoo when we found it, but no.

Moi: Um... uh... are you ok? Isn't that traumatizing? Did you call the police?

I think I'll just leave y'all hanging now.

The Weakest Arm

Walking through the elementary school playground on my way home, I realized that little boys threw football like girls.

Democracy Demo

My last commentor doesn't appreciate sarcasm.

We Will Overcome

Today during our Globalization class, sitting in our small discussion groups talking about a book (much critiqued by us all) focused on race relations and development in Nicaragua (which is in Central America by the way, and not South, as I had said several times during class, making me look both smooth, culturally sensitive, and knowledgeable).

Moi: So do you guys know anything about Nicaragua?

Group: No, not really. [The author] didn't really mention its government.

Anton: Well, I do a little, just from a couple of articles in The Guardian.

Moi: Did anyone read that section in the back about a brief history of Nicaragua?

Group: No, it was hard enough getting through the assigned portions. Did you?

Moi: No. (Everyone flips to section.) The font is so small.

Group: And the timeline starts all the way at 2000B.C.

Anton: Well, I know a little. (explains socialist movement, US intervention...)

Jen: Wwhat happened after the intervention? Did it work?

Moi: Did democracy win out!? Did the good guys win!?

Anton: Nicaragua is technically a democracy now.

Moi: Yes!

Anton: YES! Freedom worked in Nicaragua and it will work in Iraq!

We're such smart alecks. In other news, I will have an audio post again, I promise.

Original Grunge

Pats on the shoulders for all that knew where the title came from. I appreciate how focused on me you are.

Jody and Linda sitting in a tree... doing econ homework, interrupting Vita-K (aka Sarah) and I, doing chem work.

Linda: Have you guys ever heard of lagrange?

Sarah: La Grange? No?

Moi: Yeah, yeah, I know it.

Linda: Really? Wow. I'd never heard of it.

Moi: Yeah, a lot of people really like it.

Jody: Like it? What do you mean?

Moi: Wait, what's La Grange? It's not a restaurant?

Linda: It's a mathematical term.

Moi: Oh.

(Later)

Linda: I don't know how to use lagrange!

Moi: It's a good restaurant, I swear!

Jody: Yeah, so you take the lagrange, and you go in, and it's this place with freakin' amazing lobster.

In Which We Fail To Understand Alarm Clocks

nrmL: I was supposed to be at breakfast already, but my alarm never went off. That stupid thing!

Moi: Wait, was it a radio alarm?

nrmL: Yeah, did it go off? I must not have heard it.

Moi: I thought it was a dream I was having. (A dream where the radio alarm went off... not very original considering the circumstances. Ok, maybe that should have been the tip off that it wasn't a dream, but I just woke up, so back off.)

nrmL: Dammit, I always sleep through them. I hate alarm clocks.

Moi: Wait... I think you might have turned it off yourself.

nrmL: Oh. Yeah, that happens, too. I just don't remember.

Stumped

Mrs. Cho: What are you, lil' assface* or lil' Jim?

*Again, I don't mean to offend. It's a term of affection.

**I feel ridiculous posting exclaimers.

Sunday, Monday, Happy Days

When I'm not up North in this frozen tundra, I live in Massachusetts. Of all places, I'm from my little town, with its triangular piece of grass we call 'town center.' Of course I knew what yesterday was. There's no forgetting.

The God Isn't The Answer

Today, Pastor Thrope began his sermon with an illustration for the kids. Actually, it was open to everyone but only the kids and their parents went up front. I'm kicking myself for it now 'cause he passed out pennies, then sold the kids candies for one cent. No one went for the peanut M&Ms I kept eyeing. Toward the end of the exercise, Pastor Thorpe asked the kids why they traded in the candy. Boy, being a brilliant Sunday School kid, answered, "Because of God!" Boy is going to go places in life. And by places, I mean Sunday School. "Well, no..." was Pastor Thorpe's reply, "but God is always the right answer in Sunday School."

It was so good to be back at my awkard, little, country church. Sitting with my Bow' buddies. Listening to forever long announcements and prayer requests. Stifling laughter. Making not enough chit chat with the church members. Our stomachs growling, ever louder and louder. Stuffing ourselves during refreshment Sunday. Leaving quickly thereafer. Being prayed for. Praising. Learning. Reciting the Lord's prayer together. It's good to be back.

The Math Isn't The Problem

339 + 78 + 24 + 147 = 588, also known as pages of assigned reading I have completed since Tuesday, most done within the last twenty four hours. (For my classes next week.)

Still to conquer- 40 pages of biochem.

Yet to pound out: letter essay, writing exercise, Band Man brief, informal paper, lab report, pre-lab, 1/2 of my problem set, and homework exercises.

That ought to cover everything.

If I ever live through my assignments: 21 pages of suggested reading (Walty suggested an article he wrote himself. Hmm...) 326 page book recommended to "to skim through," to help with my research proposal, and 2 Singer books that would be good to get ideas from.

I'm sorry. I'll shut my whining and get back to work. I know, you're busy, too.

Hairspray- The UnMusical

Dear Girl In Front Of Me In Globalization:
Please kindly remove your massive fray of hair from my desk as I paid a good 40K for use of a personal desk during times of classroom instruction. In addition, I'd like to recommend the clipping and ultimate removal of large sections of your hair as it greatly blocks my view and it generally just doesn't look good on you. Many national charities, like Locks of Love will ensure that someone benefits from your hair because let's be honest girl, no one is benefitting right now. Instead, your hair keeps invading my space and thus disturbs my learning atmosphere.

Sincerely,

Slave for Shaves

What Are They Feeding You?

The subject of this post will be kept anonymous, mostly for his own name's sake. I don't want people to hold their noses when they speak to him, although they probably should...

Moi: Hey, where're you off to?

Anonymous Boy: Laundry.

Moi: Already?! You've been here for less than a week.

AB: Well, some are from last semester...

Everybody, altogether now: Ewwwwww.

They Ought To Have Trading Cards

I have a favorite sociologist (and it's not the Band Man). Do you?

R U Safe 2 Eat?

My box of crackers says it's best to eat before: GF BY U2. Can anyone tell me when that is? Has GF BY U2 already passed? Am I going to die?