Please Hold

For my analytical chemistry lab (affectionately and appropriatedly known as 'anal chem'), we had the exciting task of analyzing our urine this week. Yup. Pee in the cup then take a look at it. And this was no doctor's office where you just hand it off after you're done with the job. There was keeping in the fridge overnight involved. (Fearing ostracization, Vita-K didn't tell her roommate about it and just stuck the yellow bottles in the fridge without notice... delicious.) And if it wasn't bad enough, when I finally got to turn it in, it was pouring outside, so there I was, awkwardly walking around campus, carrying a wet plastic bag with two bottles of my urine inside. YiPee. We had to take two samples: a blank, and one with quinine, and they had to labeled accordingly. Some kids in the class elegantly put their name on a small corner of the label and left it at that. But where's the fun in that? I proclaimed mine as my pee in large block letters. Vita-K suggested "Urination of [My Name]" to make it sound more celebratory. I preferred "Pee de [Last Name]" for the fancier tone, and in my case, a nice rhyme. But it sounded too much like my brother's name. So I stuck with the label that said PEE. Classy.

Over breakfast the other day, discussing (what else, but) poop and pee, I mentioned that we were testing for quinine levels in our samples.

Bobs: What's quinine?

Moi: It's a sort of bark, I think. They use it to cure malaria.

Bobs: Is there a malaria outbreak on campus?

Everyone: Yes, Bobs. You better get on that story. Go, report!

Bobs: Crap. If there's an outbreak then we're going to need quinine. And right now, there's only one place I know that has quinine...

And there you have it, my favorite line of the week.