Open Letter to Claire-

I wish I could read my blog. It really is banned here. I am that dangerous. (Well, I, along with all the other bloggers, including those gentle ones from the midwest.)

Scorpions taste crunchy, like the oil they were fried in, and not much more. Also, I tried to swallow as fast as I could to make sure that I would taste nothing but crunchiness. The fear of eating them dissipated after the first one, but the stingers still scared me a bit. They're too little to taste like anything, especially chicken.

I have also had donkey meat. But in my excitement to talk about scorpions, donkey just seem so... boring. Tasted like beef.

I nod a lot when people talk to me. And smile. The universal sign of "I have no idea what you're saying but I'm pretending that I do." I can understand the kids. And the city adults when they talk to me. The old aunts and uncle, I can catch anywhere from 65-85% of their conversation, depending on who they are, what they're saying, and who they're talking to. The rural cousins I can catch a little less, especially when they're talking to each other. But usually, they're good about treating me like an idiot and talking slowly. A few times though, I've had to just completely guess what's going on. All in all, my Chinese comprehension is top-notch, but the local accent comprehension, I'd say 55%? But then again, I haven't been responsible for understanding what's been said to me yet. That comes when the interviews start and the real test begins.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have old people to report to.

Leave It To Cleaver

Oh wonderful people and wonderful comments. You are wonderful. Almost as wonderful as being able to use the internet two days in a row.

You know who's not wonderful? This man I saw on the news last night. He held a hostage at knife point for a couple of hours. It was your regular ol' kitchen cleaver that he held to a poor man's neck, the man on his knees. I don't even think the hostage was bound. And the man, I don't think he had demands, the news just said that he had failed in love. And there he was, on a big, open sidewalk, holding a kitchen cleaver to a poor man's neck. How was this cunning menace finally apprehended? The clever cops got him from behind and tackled him. How do you not notice five armed cops in full uniform running from behind you in a completely open street? I don't know. I just can't believe the reporters even bothered showing up for this story. And the failed-in-romance hostage taker just made me sad in so many ways and I have a plethora more of questions for him.

Has he not seen any action movies? Why not a gun? Why not some place other than an open sidewalk? How did you even get your hostage? Oh, China.

Do You Smell What the Rock is Cooking?

I ate scorpions the other day.

That's right. Scorpions. I ate them. Not just one or two, but four scorpions fried to the crisp, stingers still attached. Feel free to worship me.

I have met dozens of relatives the past few days. Many of them are very odd. My grandfather's cousin invited us over to her house after lunch. Then made us take naps. Mandatory naps. She also brushed both my mother's hair and mine. I am both fascinated by and scared of her insistent, erratic ways.

Is it wrong that I learned more about China in one visit to a movie studio tourist attraction than I did in all those visits to old museums and palaces and pagodas and stuff? Pagoda, now that's a word I like.

Oh, British children, you are now off the hook as the worst dish washers in the world. Went to the rural, farming areas, and definitely saw dishes wiped 'clean' with dirty rags. Othertimes, I saw them do all their dishes in one basin, without rinsing or changing water, much like, hm... British children. I can't wait to be surrounded by proper dish washers again.

Sweet Scent of Success

I have been in Beijing for the past couple of days and seen some famous sights. Here are my final thoughts before I leave for the boonies later today:

The Palace Museum? Reeks of paint.

The Great Wall? Reeks of urine in many places. And I cannot believe that they didn't have cable cars until a few years ago. Thank God for the cable cars.

The Ming Tombs? Reeks of moldy basement with a slight touch of urine.

Speaking of urine, am thinking of the bathrooms of the northwest with increasing trepidation. Apparently, I should be hoping for holes in the ground because they at least don't smell or look as scary as really dirty and run-down indoor ones. With advice like that, well, what's there to fear?

Oh, they won't let me upload pictures so er, learn to use your imaginations, people.

Vroom Vroom

So we joke a lot about bad driving everywhere. And how people in certain cities, say Taipei, Boston, London, Shanghai, etc., are viscious drivers. And that people use traffic lights as mere reference tools.

Well, I've been in Beijing for a day and honestly, this is the worst driving I've ever seen. We were actually plowing through traffic today with cars, bikes, and people coming toward us horizontally in both directions. I'm pretty convinced that our driver did not actually look at the traffic light as he drove, but just drove with determination, making his way through the sea of people. I just kept thinking, "there's a red light and yet we're moving." Also, I appreciate that phrase now, 'sea of people,' because I have seen Beijing. Hopefully, I'll be able to see through many more days alive. With the way people drive here, I'm really not sure.

Summer Hiatus

Very quickly now: I'm leaving the comforts of Shanghai. Heading for Beijing. Great Wall. Then up to the northwest in Ningxia. Don't know about internet access in the coming days. But distant relatives, here I come!

Violated

Had a two-hour massage session today. My very first. Because in Shanghai, if you have the money, you can. I don't have the money. But thank God for generous friends. After the rigorous session, I feel quite violated, albeit well-rested and relaxed. And it really was too bad that I felt an urge to use the restroom for the last thirty minutes of my session but was too lazy to speak up because the massage kept making me want to pee even more. I've realized that I'm too passive for massages. Instead of asking the masseuse to be gentler or not to rub a certain way, I just internalize all my discomfort and figure I should learn to take it. And whenever she asked if everything was ok, I said yes, it was perfect. I guess I'm just not cut out for this line of luxury. But man, I sure feel good right now.

Access Denied

Apparently, I am blocked from viewing my own blog. Ah, the wonders of living in a free and democratic society. Apparently, it's not an official ban (it used to be), but many carriers block blogspot sites anyway. So pretty much, I have no idea what I'm pumping out. Maybe the servers will be different in the northwest. We'll see.

Whose Words These Are

I have been having trouble viewing this site ever since flying out of the land of apple pies, baseball, and taxation with representation. I don't know why. Anyone else having troubles? I guess if you're reading these words, you're not having those troubles. But thought I'd mention it anyhow.

Sweetest of coincidences, I got to meet up with Professor Riles and kids from the Bo' yesterday. If any of you ever get the chance, take a course with Riles. If you don't have the chance, I suggest that you make some changes in your life so that you would. These include but are not limited to rearranging schedules, changing majors, and moving across the Atlantic. Just some suggestions.

Anyway, this is Freddy Adu.



I did not see Freddy Adu yesterday. But I did see Joe "poet on the run" Adu, who is of no relations to Freddy. I just wanted to mention a soccer ("football") player so I'd seem all hip and in with the World Cup thing. This is Joe:



And he showed me around Shanghai yesterday, which struck all of us as amusing. Oh. I have a tailor now. That's pretty cool. You know what's not as cool? Watching two moms pick out fabrics and bargain prices for fifty eight hours straight.

Le Tired

Have finally arrived in the Motherland. No, not that one. And not Taiwan, either. I'm talking 'bout motherland of motherlands. I am presently in Shanghai. In about 10 days, I'll be in the rural farmlands to the northwest where I don't know if I'll be able to update. For the next few days, however, I'll have internet access. No pictures though, we're still working on that. And yes, that was a use of the royal 'we.'

What have I been up to in the past week? Taiwan, that's what's up. Ate an incredible amount of food there (including one involuntary visit to Pizza Hut- what?) and had my weight commented on by quite a few relatives, including ailing grandmother. Awesome. Also had iced Heineken green tea. It tasted interesting, pretty much like lemon iced tea but because there was Heineken in it, they charged a little more. Got my annual summer haircut by brutal Chinese hair dresser. You know, I think I'm quite afraid of Taiwanese hair dressers. They really break you down before they build you up and convince you that your new haircut makes you look incredibly gorgeous. And well, haven't I always been incredibly gorgeous? Oh yeah, I also got lost at a night market and bought some cheap faux-Chucks. What have you been up to*?

*Don't really care to know, just a formality more than anything else.