Backdraft

Since I last wrote to you about the fire alarms a lot has happened. Flatmate Mags, for example, has moved out and taken her toaster with her, which means that I have been consuming untoasted sandwiches for the past couple of days. Many of you have written to me about fires. Who knew for example, that I had so many arsonist readers, especially from Wyoming? Or that Kaz's flat was so hazardous and that Colin had so many names? Or that so many of you would write and protest that indeed, no, Dave was not as hot as he imagined himself to be? (See that upper right hand corner, DJ? Those words in bold? About Me. That's right, this site is about me, not you.)

And who knew that I would experience not one, but two fire alarms in one night, at Vita-L's flat? That makes it three fire alarms we've experienced together while studying for archaeology, and one more we missed together because we were taking the exam. Last night, cramming for archaeology in Vita-L's room, we heard the alarm go off but for quite a few minutes, decided not to move. For some reason, we both thought that despite its late nature, the alarm could have been a test. After a few minutes of just sitting there, looking at each other in silence, occasionally muttering, "You've got to be kidding" to break the monotony, we finally decided to get up and slowly put our jackets on.

It was at this point that I stepped into the hall and spotted one of her flatmates shrieking and running into a room wearing nothing but a bikini and an apron. "Did I just see Jamilah do that?" I asked Helen, another flatmate, who was running into her own room. But Helen, too, was giggling, and she was wearing a classy, albeit short, black dress- at 11:30, on a Sunday night.

Many more minutes later (had this been a real fire, they would have been searching for our dental records by now), we all gathered downstairs, outside of the flat, and try as we may to pretend that we didn't know them, Vita-L's roommates stuck close to us. Now I don't really like drunken antics. And I hate it when other folks are having fun when I can't. But you've just got to love these girls and their logic.

Moi: So what were you wearing?
Jamilah: Oh, we were practicing to be housewives.
Moi: Hence the apron. But the bikini?
Helen: Hot housewives.
Moi: (motioning to last flatmate, Kim, in a smart blazer, and short aprons over jeans, with big sunglasses) And what are you?
Kim: I'm a bartender.
Moi: Well, somebody's got to support the household.

Much more waiting and griping later, we all filed back into the flat. Vita-L and I returned to our studying while the girls returned to, well, we're not sure. All I know is that thirty minutes later, a little after midnight, just when the studying was getting exciting and I was trying to remember exactly where that early iron age cist was (Sundayswell Hill), the alarm rang again. And again, Vita-L sat there looking at each other, unmoving. And again we slowly walked out to find the flatmates wearing clothes that greatly exposed them to the elements. Except this time, they wore their ridiculous outfits downstairs.

Miss Kim, for example, was still in her bikini top, albeit with a blazer over it.

Moi: Now I know that you totally had enough time to put something on, so why are you still in this bikini top?
Kim: Well, we decided we couldn't wear the same things this time, everyone has already seen our outfits.
Vita-L: It's been thirty minutes. Everyone is wearing the same clothes.
Jamilah: I know. We couldn't do that. Kim's basically wearing what I wore that last time we came down.
Vita-L: Helen's blazer looks nice, where did she get that?
Moi: I think that's what Kim wore down last time...

I do not condone drunk antics, especially uninhibited screams and giggles, but if you're going to do it people, do it right like these girls, fuzzy logic and outfits included.

(The morning after: Vita-L and I just came back from our exam, moping about our B's and about to go for pie, all three flatmates came to greet us in her room, clad in pajamas, some still clutching their blankets.)

Moi: Did you all just roll out of bed?
Jamilah: I don't know about these two, but I shuffled down the hall on my own two feet. No rolling involved.

Speaking of Vita-L, I can't wait to see the American Vita-K again.