Honestly, how often do you need to vacuum?
I understand now that you're only vacuuming because it appears that you're having some cracker crumb issues. Some suggestions: do not drop crackers onto the floor. When they do spill, pick them up by hand. Do not stomp all over the crackers as you have the past two nights and pulverize them with the heel of your winter boots the way you have all grown fond of doing. And, because I'm a helpful neighbor, here's one more suggestion: in the future, consider sweeping instead of vacuuming.
I know our days of sharing the apartment are coming to an end and next year, I'll think back nostalgically about how I can recognize only one of you and how we exchange awkward greetings and how nice all of you are, how you are generally quiet on the weekdays and good stewards of the apartment, no matter how many drunk freshmen girls you have over. But to get me to that point, I need you to help me finish this semester. That means less vacuuming and more putting the crackers in your mouth, where they belong.
Sincerely,
Dusty P. Abshire
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