Splitter Splatter

Yesterday was not nrmL's birthday. But yesterday was nrmL's surprise birthday party. And boy was she surprised. (Former roommates: perhaps you should take notes on this) That wasn't even the only surprise of the party. Many were surprised to discover that the vanilla yellow cake had strawberries in the middle layer. And later discovered that they weren't strawberries, but melted down candles. "How?" I hear you faintly calling, gentle readers, "How did the candles get so small? And how did they get to be in the middle of the cake?"

Well, if a candle is lit long enough, it melts into a pool of wax and sinks deep into the cake. LoJo, former roommate of nrmL, was the brilliant mind behind the whole thing. She was also the mastermind behind the party, about three weeks before nrmL's actual birthday. LoJo reasoned that since nrmL had thrown her such a wonderful surprise birthday party last year (again former roommates: I want to see notepads and pens out, and furious scribbling), she should do the same for nrmL this year. And since nrmL had somehow magically had all the candles lit when LoJo arrived for her party, LoJo would do the same for nrmL. There were many flaws in that logic. The first being: while nrmL knew exactly when to light the candles because she knew when LoJo was arriving, LoJo did not. We all tried to stop her from lighting the candles but it was impossible to pull that little pyro away from the matches. And so the candles were lit. And slowly, we watched, as each melted down, and sizzled, and the top layer of frosting bubbled, and it was a nasty pool of goo and wax, and candle stubs, and wicks, and many sunk down deep into the cake. All the while, we not-so-silently cursed Greg (boyfriend of nrmL) for his inability to drag nrmL away from the television screen. We had already delayed the party once because it conflicted with a holiday ABC Family special chick flick that nrmL was determined to watch. And last night, his best lie to get nrmL back into the apartment was that he really wanted the grasshopper cookies nrmL just bought. And he had to have it. Right away. Yeah. So that wasn't very clever on Greg's part. But at least we know he's an honest fella.