Vignettes of the Day

I know, I know. It's been forever. Listen, Pretzels, the world is changing and nowadays, Facebook and the Twitter get most of my dumb thoughts.

At church today:

Moi: I like your shoes. Where'd you get them?

Anna: DSW.

Sam: You never know what you'll find in the sales section!

Anna: These were not on sale...

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At "journal club":

Jennifer: I try to use humor to relate to my staff and seem approachable. But I don't know if it works.

Nicole: It works for me. I use gifs or emojis when I text my staff.

Noll: Maybe [instead of working on staff managing, Jennifer] should work on your humor. Maybe you're just not funny.

Maybe it's because professional developments are dull, or it was 8:30am and so unexpected, but Noll's pronouncement of someone else not being funny was the funniest thing I heard that week.

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It should be noted that the more things change (I finish school, grow up, get a real job), the more things stay the same (I have a smart-mouthed mentor). On Friday, I went back to my office (nearly two years in and the novelty still hasn't worn off) to find this posted at my door:

Getting gently trolled by a mentor. Why yes, I've been here before. 

How to Win Friends

Sixteen months into this job, I am still marveling at times when people listen to my ideas as if they are worthwhile and dance an internal jig when something I say is put into action.  It feels so marvelous to be validated, Dear Pretzels, and not just that, but for things I thought of to come into fruition, and it's so fun to collaborate and work together to make research.  I hope you all get to feel that.  We share so many losses and disappointments in research, I hope you also get to revel in victory. 

This morning, I met with Dr. Dave's survey team and colleagues.  About six months ago, we came together to design a survey.  Dr. Dave and his team have done the heavy lifting but were generous enough to allow me to contribute to some questions.  Today, we met to discuss an analytic plan now that we have preliminary survey results.  The team met for most of the day, but I came in just for an hour.  They were on time and ready to listen to me talk about what I was interested in seeing out of my section (and also gave me free lunch).  The thing I enjoy most about working with Dr. Dave is that he is very good at seeing the big picture and helping me articulate ideas that I have in my head but cannot get out.  Sometimes, when I am challenged on an idea, I give in easily because I lose my convictions and forget why I had the idea in the first place.  But Dr. Dave follows up and always ties us back to the big picture and why the work matters.  (The other collaborators are also pretty fantastic, too)  Together, we deciphered and talked through my page of half sentences and shorthand that made up the analytic plan, and they not only understood it, they welcomed it.  They gave me ownership of my section and looked to me for how to interpret it.  It felt like a minor miracle that someone would plow through my plan with me and do it so graciously.  

It was only an hour, and this might read like just a meeting, like how things are supposed to happen.  In many ways, it was.  People have meetings at work all the time.  I have meetings all the time.  I talk to people about my research all the time.  But today, it felt fantastic.  And while I am lucky and young enough in my career to have mostly only worked with good and kind people, I know enough to know that this isn't something to take for granted.  So I treasure this moment here, for the winter to come.  

A Chasing After the Wind

Mentor Boss has a Very Important Grant due in two weeks.  The grant affects the funding for our center.  He's not the only person working on it, but as the boss in "Mentor Boss," he takes certain responsibility for it.  As the deadline approaches, he still has a lot of writing left to do.  So much so that we've all been tacitly warned not to slow him down with frivolous emails (he loves a frivolous email).  Perhaps that's why I found him in his office late this afternoon, popping popcorn at his desk.  With his very own desktop popcorn maker.

Mentor Boss: It's a great snack, very healthy.

Moi: Isn't that because it's just air?  It never satisfies my hunger.

Mentor Boss: That's true.  It tastes like nothing.  But it's better than nothing.

Moi: This sounds bleak.

Mentor Boss: It is a bleak time.  It might be bright again in two weeks.  We'll see.

With Expert Timing

Earlier this week, one of my mentors forwarded me an article he'd recently read, and asked if I had already seen it.  And surprisingly, I had.

Today, another one of them mentioned an expert in the field who was his own mentor years back, and for once, I recognized the name from the literature. 

It's almost as if I'm slowly getting the hang of this small piece of research I'm trying to stake a claim on.  And it feels pretty good. 

(Smells Like) Thanksgiving Spirit

This is the season to count grateful blah blahs.  Here's mine for today: In exchange for living in the Midwest, I get to have not one, not two, but a panel of (read: 4) dedicated mentors who tell me how to do my job.  This aspect of work is tied with occasional free pizza Wednesdays and having a steady paycheck as my favorites; everything else is terrible.  Today, I had a meeting with one mentor; he told me about his upcoming 50th college reunion and what it was like to be on campus during the Vietnam War era.

Moi: Vietnam.  Sometimes I forget that you are older. 

Doc Interruptus: What's that?

Moi: Sometimes I forget how old you are.

Doc Interruptus: I once had a woman come up to me at [a conference], she said, "It's such an honor to meet you.  I've been citing your work for years.  In fact, I thought you were dead."

And this is why I'm thankful: I work in a field in which I'm never the most awkward person or the person with the most poorly worded sentiments.  There is always another nerdlinger to make me look near normal in comparison.  

Almost Like Winning

"I am happy, very happy, to accept this compromise that I feel makes neither of us completely satisfied and so therefore defines an excellent course of action."   -- Mentor Boss

Microsoft tells me that Mentor Boss, Mentor Sass, and I engaged in 18 email messages about the title of a commentary before we hit on one that no one had particularly strong opinions about.  Because we are people who don't know how to hold them, and certainly don't know how to fold them.  

Finders' Keeper

Today, an innocuous question about floppy disks led Mentor Boss to show me all the wonderfully outdated pieces of once-cutting-edge technology in his office, like an early Palm Pilot and brick-sized cellphone (it was weighty, flipped out, and looked just like a prop).  At first, he described them as a collection, but as our conversation went on, I realized that he had used all of these things when they were new.  He was that nerdy resident carrying around a giant phone so he could take patient calls wherever he was. 

Moi: Is it really a collection if you just never threw these things away?

Mentor Boss: What is the difference?  I don't understand the question.

In that case, I am a collector of empty calories and back issues of The New Yorker. 

Elevator Speech

For the first time in my professional life, I am at a place where there are people whose job it is to facilitate my work.  It's a weird place to be- that after a decade of being in research support positions, of knowing what fonts Doc Whitecastle likes and how to work Doc Who's schedule, and managing research assistants, the roles have flipped.  There are people who help me now.  Even though this job has been a decade in the making (Lord, that's a long time), I still feel like it has caught me off guard.  And nearly a year into this position, I still feel like I'm merely playing grown up and that everyone knows it.

Especially when there are moments like Friday, when I'm having several conversations with colleagues about life and research throughout the day, in offices, hallways, and by elevators, and it starts to feel like we are true equals having serious exchanges of ideas and cordiality, and all that is disrupted by a question by Doc Bear,

Doc Bear:  Are you waiting for the elevator?  Because you need to push a button for it to go down.

So that's how things work in Indy.  It does explain why it took the elevator so long to arrive.

Ugly Duckling

Starting a new position is humbling in many ways-- I am the youngest and least experienced faculty member, so everyone has had more everything than I have.  But one perk of being the youngest is that no matter how ancient I feel with each passing day, no matter how many blank stares I get from my summer student because I referenced a show "before her time," I will always be young compared to other faculty members.

(Discussing the eclipse to come in a meeting)

Moi: But these eclipses happen not infrequently, right?  They've happened before and will happen again?

Mentor Boss: Yes.  The last one was in 1979.

Moi: (somewhat facetiously)  That's before I was born.

Doctor Angel (to Doctor Bear): Aw.  Joy is still a puppy!

Should Old Acquaintance

This weekend is a special weekend because I get to have not one, but three, throwback visitors from Baltimore staying at my place.  Jesse is here for Gen-Con, a large gathering of board game nerds from all over the nation, while Jamie and Greg are here because they are good friends who like to humor Jesse (and visit me!).

Though I haven't seen these guys in months-- in fact, it's been almost a year since I've seen Jamie, we soon fell into old patterns and habits.  And some patterns and habits are best left in the past and out of my one-bedroom apartment. 

Jesse: [burps loudly in succession]

Moi: Um.  Remember how I'm a woman?  And you want to pretend to be polite in front of me?

Jesse: We are too far gone.  It's too late for such things.

Pizza Party

For the last two months, summer interns have been swarming around the office.  I even got to have one of my own.  It made me feel very grown up.  Though I suppose grown ups are not supposed to feel as utterly unprepared and clueless as I felt "supervising" my student.  To thank her for all her efforts, I took her out to a light dinner on Thursday along with a couple of tremendous research coordinators we have.

I thought that was pretty good as far as nice supervisors go.  But Paige took it to another level.  First she designed a birthday scavenger hunt for her student.  And yesterday, her student got a sendoff pizza party that exposed certain deficiencies in our staff knowledge:

[Kathleen, on her upcoming second wedding anniversary]

Kathleen: My anniversary is either the 24th or 25th... I don't remember.

Nina: This is understandable because you've been married so long.

Kathleen: For some reason, dates above 10, I just can't remember.  I told my husband that when we were picking a date.

Moi: Wait.  Do you know when Christmas is?

Paige: I can never figure it out!  Is it 24th, 25th, or 26th?

Kathleen: I know Christmas is the 25th.

Paige: Oh good.  It was the middle one.

Everyone else: [Stunned hysterics]

I don't mind being upstaged on being nice to my summer student in a setting like this.  Junk food and inane logic is the exact kind of place where I thrive.

We Were on a Break

Today, after some light research chat with Dr. Dave.

Moi: I think this is the first time I've seen you without caffeine in hand.

Dr. Dave: Really?

Moi: Yeah, especially in the afternoon.

Dr. Dave: Actually, I was going to get something in about an hour.

They say that creeping on colleagues is the first step toward becoming good collaborators.  They do say that, right?

New Mom and New Dad

It's been too long since I've written a blog post.  With the way the interweb is evolving, Facebook now gets the bulk of my workplace humiliations and silly thoughts of the day.  There was a moment at dinner last night, however, that felt it was ripe for a blog post.  

I live in a new land now, in the Midwest.  And after years of addressing mentors by the moniker Prof, I am now one myself.  Albeit an assistant prof.  And one without any students.  Being still fairly new to the area, I do not have many friends of my own (I can still count them on one hand), but I have many colleagues.  I invited a small blend of friends, colleagues, mentors, and spouses over for dinner last night because it was the Lunar New Year.  And one cannot celebrate the new year without dumplings.  

At one point in the night, with a vegetarian and vegan in the house (Lisa: Vegan?  This friendship will not last.), the subject of seitan came up while I was sitting in between New Mentor Boss and Mrs. New Mentor Boss.  

Sunshine: My kids like the seitan that I make.  

Mentor Boss: I don't think I've had seitan.

Mrs. Mentor Boss: I've made it before.  

Mentor Boss: Oh right, I didn't like it.  I didn't like the taste.

Sunshine: Well, the taste is however you flavor it, just like tofu.

Mentor Boss: ... 

Moi: I'm not sure I should still sit between you two.  This is getting uncomfortable.  

Philadelphia

Over the past year or so, Jesse's household of guys have become like the little brothers I never had, down to the loving way we talk to each other.

Isac: I really like your cardigan.  It's a very nice color.

Moi: Thank you.  Why can't you guys all be more like Isac?

Isac: It's the only thing I like about you.

Jamie: You were saying?

First is Worst and Second Dinner is Best

This last year has been one of the most enjoyable of my life so it's a pity that I have not written more.  But, these times, they are a changing, and this blog is one of those casualties.  Today though, I want to talk about the gluttony of last night (some things never change) and the joy of having similarly minded friends.

We had drinks and a late, light dinner at Bookmaker's last night.  It was expensive, very older Fed Hill, and not our usual scene.  The Brussels sprouts were amazing, thanks to the profusion of grease, cheese, and bacon, but nothing else in the evening particularly stood out-- until Jesse leaned over to Greg and asked if he wanted to grab fries afterward.

Naturally, we couldn't let the two of them have a secret hang to themselves (also, we wanted Greg to drive us home), and invited ourselves along.  Soon, we found ourselves scarfing down the food we had in front of us and peer pressuring Greg out of getting a second drink (he really should cut down anyway).  Lisa practically jumped up from the table the second she signed her check.  And we all* scrambled out of Bookmakers to our second dinner of fries and wings next door.  

I was pretty full at that point, but we still ordered two fries and two wings to share.  There was something particular about that moment last night, sitting on barstools and eating a second dinner immediately after a first dinner (and it wasn't even my idea!  someone else was the gluttonous genius), that was pure contentment.  

*Well, nearly all of us.  Cathy, who did not share our food and who ordered a salad to go with her dinner (we had fried Brussels sprouts), was repulsed by the thought of a second dinner and headed home to go to bed at a reasonable hour.  Like a grown up.

---

Later, in the car ride home.

Jesse: Wait, am I going to see you four days in a row?

Lisa: Are you tallying your social interactions?

Moi: I knew it!  I was asking Lisa if it was normal to do that because I was tallying our projected interactions this week but she said it wasn't normal.  But you do it.. oh wait, I hear how this sounds.  Right, this isn't normal.

Grown Ups, Too

I'm trying to become better about blogging again.  Tonight, this effort coincides with being in Boston and being able to catch up with just a few of the friends that I mean to see here.  More specifically, I had dinner with Dwighters.

The thing I love about Dwighters is that on the one hand, we're technically both Harvard graduates (ha), who have lived in Boston (and now Baltimore, for me) for years, who read books, and to an extent, have an affinity for culture.  On the other hand, all of it still feels like we're playacting.  Perhaps having jobs that technically pay but not a lot has something to do with this.  We react to the thought of me buying carafes or him infusing liqueurs in mason jars with laughter.  How bougie.  And sure, we went to a nice, new Italian restaurant, but we also rolled our eyes when the waitress tried to sell us on pickled radish seeds (seriously?  not just seeds, but pickled seeds?).  And one of us may not have known that the breadsticks were not for display.  My point is, even as we are all trying to act grown up, it's fun to make fun of each other for trying.  And for the world's failure to recognize our efforts.  Like when the waitress placed us at the farthest corner of the restaurant possible, with at least four empty tables between us and all the real patrons.  It's always nice to have low friends in high places.  

They Wouldn't Eat Wilson, Would They?

Lisa, upon seeing this picture: I thought we were going to eat this tomorrow night.  How can I eat this now that you've given him a name, a backstory, and a little sock bunny that depends on Paul?

Yes, now that my life is completely suave and well adjusted (remind me to tell you about the time my face blindness was so bad I didn't recognize my office mate- as in the one other person I share an office with), this blog has shifted its focus to Lisa and her absurdities, but that was the funniest comment I'd heard all day. 

First Rule of Fight Club

You can share your secret sadness, and people would offer to pray for you.  You can share the harsh words you did or didn't mean to say, and someone would tell them they've done the same.  Our Tuesday night Bible study (newly termed 'Mount Awesome') is generally a safe space of acceptance and support, a place without judgment or wrong answers-- that is, until you answer an ice breaker in a way that breaks from the norm.

Last night's ice breaker was "shark vs. bear vs. eagle, who would you rather fight?"  (there was also a serious one, I promise)  A lot of people used terrible logic to justify their choices.  Esther, for example, chose to fight a bear because "bears are cute" yet because Esther is sweet and new, no one pointed out the absurdity of her choice.  But somehow when I shared my answer (bear, because the fight would probably be shortest and I'd die a death relatively quicker than fighting an eagle or shark), the whole group turned against me for my defeatist attitude.  Apparently it "wasn't what the question asked," and I was "taking the easy way out."  It was the most hostile reception* I'd ever received at a Bible study.  These people took animal fighting and hypotheticals so seriously (just kidding, PETA,  we love all of God's creatures!) that they expected me to give it my all in a fake fight, even if that means having my eyes and entrails slowly pecked out by a hypothetical eagle.  I guess that's the type of attitude one picks up from having a lifetime of hypothetical friends and hypothetical pets**.


*a thousand times more hostile than the general stink eye Livid Lisa usually sends my way

**never seen Lisa*** with another friend, pet, or family member

***not sure when this blog devolved into a Lisa burn book, but I like this new direction

Burn After Reading

Apparently my poor note taking skills aren't limited to handwritten notes.  Electronic ones can be vague and confusing as well.  What is list of people and what do I want with them?

Et tu, Greg-eh?

There are conversation fault lines that everyone knows to avoid for the sake of friendship.  For some, it's politics.  Others, religion.  For still some others it's finances or childrearing.  Among my B'more group of Jesus friends, it's ice cream cake.

It's an issue that has staunchly divided the group along mostly regional lines (East Coast vs. West Coast, Carvel vs. Baskin-Robbins), and an issue we have spent countless hours arguing bitterly over.  Yet like bugs drawn to the lantern, we can't help ourselves.  Every few weeks, someone inevitably picks off the scab and each side would dig deeper into their beliefs.  Or rather, we did until last night.

The conversation started innocently enough-- I had mentioned to Stephanie and George, a sweet and lovely couple unmarred by our infighting, that we had ice cream and cake.  But Lisa, agitator that she was, saw an opportunity to bring up ice cream cake and drive a wedge through the dinner party.  At first, it looked like her plans would fail.  Stephanie and George, as sensible people, agreed that ice cream cake was best a la Carvel, meaning they agreed that ice cream cake was best as ice cream in the shape of a cake and not-- [spit on the ground]-- a mixture of ice cream and cake.  For a moment, this meant that Lisa was the only one on the wrong side of history last night.  Until suddenly, she wasn't.

"I think...," Greg started sheepishly.  It almost looked as if the poor, misguided soul was compelled by lecherous Lisa to speak, "I think I'm a convert to ice cream and cake."  And just like that, justice lost another member and the alliance of Lisa and Greg grew ever stronger.

It's hard to pin down, Dear Readers, just what part of Greg's conversion made for the greatest betrayal-- whether it was that Lisa's wiles had contaminated yet another friendship*, or the revolting realization that someone I once trusted could find the mismatch of melted ice cream and stale cake preferable to the harmony that is chocolate and vanilla ice cream nestling a sweet layer of chocolate crunchies.  All I can tell you is that they are two sides of the same coin, and each side cuts equally deep.  Grey's Anatomy once said that without forgiveness, old scores are never settled, old wounds never heal.  I guess that's why it takes a group committed to living like Jesus, to coming together week after week, to take on the topic of ice cream cake.  

*friendship may be too strong a word... "small group proximity associate?"