On the Hose

It should be obvious by now, gentle reader, that I love a good bathroom picture almost as much as winning at word games or an awkward professor story. So when I discovered that Malaysian bathrooms all come equipped with a hose within fifteen minutes in country-- the whole realization and the days that followed of figuring out what was going on-- that journey was almost as great as the trip itself.

Through much googling, guesswork, and a consultation with Genuine Muslim Friend Uzi, I've learned all about the hose (or "bidet spray") and its pros and cons. Ask me about it. We can talk for hours. Or at least 20 minutes. And since Uzi mentioned that while the hose was for ceremonial washing, it "wasn't so much a Muslim thing but a brown people thing," I thought I would also ask Whitecastle about it today. That was a poor idea. Apparently, one should not engage one's supervisor/mentor/employer in discussion of toilet accessories. Not with a performance review in a week.

Moi: So uh, in India, do the bathrooms ever have hoses?

Whitecastle: When you said you unlearned everything on vacation, did that include manners?

Moi: [Mention the wondrous hose discovery]

Whitecastle: I've been to Malaysia and I've never seen this. Maybe the places you stayed in-

Moi: It was in the classy places, too!