Turtle Turtle

I don't feel constrained by cultural expectations or bound by Confucianism. It feels silly stating that but I'm always surprised by the number of people who think that I feel chained to something. I don't. But place an East Asian elder next to me and I feel inexplicably obligated to bow my head and smile at them. I let them cut me. I want them to think well of me in a way that I do not want anyone of any other generation or race to think of me. I don't know why. Just the other night, I was on the bus when I happened to catch the gaze of an old Chinese lady. Per usual, I nodded my head and smiled at her (to be fair, I nod my head and smile at everyone I make eye contact with) and she said in Cantonese, half to me and half to my companion, "Ho' len ah." Which means "it's so cold" in Cantonese, a dialect that I do not speak. I considered my options: speaking to her in Mandarin (which she'd probably understand) or imitating what she said in my butchered-Cantonese, and after considering the potential awkwardness of both situations, I chose the least awkward route:

I nodded my head and waved goodbye as I hopped off the bus. (Ellie: Did you say 'bye' in Cantonese? Moi: I said 'bye' in English, which is pretty much the same 'bye' as it is in Mandarin and Chinese.)

It's not my fault that I go to such lengths to avoid awkwardity in any form, be it silences or stories that go on too long. Terrible things happen when I don't take precaution and I find myself as I did on Friday night-- at the same meet & greet party with the girl whose apartment I had wanted to live in, but who turned Lenny and me down based on my immaculate facebook profile (seriously- I dare you to pick a character flaw from my profile). And then friended Lenny the day after she turned us down. Not only did we bump into each other, I call her by the wrong name, and had to remind her why we knew each other, but she had to spend five minutes explaining why she didn't pick me. Somebody owes me for those five minutes.