Second Helpings

How do you graciously bow second to a school that has suffered a great, indescribable tragedy this past year when you clearly know that your school deserves to be number one and that the other school only won because of pity votes?

Say what you may about the Bo's academic credentials, number six or seven, ACC boycott, conflated numbers, whatever- as long as I can continue to look comfortably and smugly down at Colby, I don't really care about rankings and outside perceptions. That is, except for the title of Best Campus Food, given almost annually to the Bo'. In my four years there, we only slipped to second once, and it's wasn't because our food wasn't the best, it was because- these are Wheaton kids' words and not mine- Wheaton kids are too polite and holy to say anything negative about their food.

But now we've slipped again, and Wheaton falling with us, to second and third respectively. And we lost to the title to a big school. Where the dining hall ladies can't possibly know you by name and how you like your omelets. Where the school year does not start with lobster. Where kids probably don't clamor for the Hungarian Mushroom Soup recipe. And where they won't bring back banana chocolate chip cake just because you asked. What's next-


-I'm sorry. I forget where I was going with this poor sportsmanship and indignation. I just made myself incredibly hungry. It's mighty morphin' latke time.