Overkill

Dearest Cold:

You are sharp, quick, and powerful. You- you stop hearts and break off fingers in ways that Heat could never do. Your attack is fast and not cruelly drawn out, as Heat is often apt to. There is, no doubt, nothing common about you.

With the recent uproar over global warming, however, I can sense that you are growing defensive, and understandably so. They were saying that you just weren't going to be the same old Cold anymore, and we had missed you in the few previous months but oh, what a comeback you are staging now! Brutal winds and arctic chills- you're putting on a good show against the 'unequivocal' hoopla, and I applaud your efforts. But I must caution you, dear Cold, coming from one friend to another, that perhaps you should tone it down (or rather, up!) just a notch.

I mean, I get that you still matter. I've felt it for weeks. And I now dread leaving my cozy apartment to get to campus. I never want to leave my blessed blankets. To all that I say, bravo. Way to take the attention away from Heat. But, as you keep this up, which they say you will for at least another week, it's starting to look like you're trying too hard, ok? It's starting to show that you're overcompensating. Must we really go below zero for another week? And must the wind chill be so chilly? We would be just as impressed with you if you just kept up in the twenties, with an occasional dip into the teens- wouldn't that be wonderful? You wouldn't be over-exerted and we'd have plenty of cold left for future years. Nobody wants to see you burnt out by the end of the season. I know it's hard to bow to global warming, and believe me, we all appreciate the effort you're putting in, but honestly, it's getting a bit old. Let's cut the iceman act and make it so that I can walk to class with my ears intact, all right? And if I learn anything about slaying global warming in class, maybe I'll report back to you, ok, big boy? Good work. Now, scat.

Sincerely,

Hoping for Heatstroke

PS. Go U Bears and Glaciers!