White Fight

How did I come to discover that I have such an unfortunate birthday? An insane woman held us hostage today.

This morning at church, a group of us usuals from the Bo' were just standing around after service, lamenting the absence of brownies at this week's refreshment table and how there are never enough bagel chips in the Chex Mix, when this lady came out of nowhere. She had seen 20/20's report on privilege in America and basically wanted us to admit to two things, that colleges are incredibly biased against poor people (to the point that they'd turn down a kid with a perfect SAT score, gasp!) and that colleges hate conservatives with passion. She also threw in some anecdote about the Bo' that I think speaks against affirmative action, but I can't be sure. She just spoke really aggressively, cornering us to agree with her. And basically, we stood around and listened politely, trying to answer when we could, until she dropped this bomb:

"They would never invite Ann Coulter to speak on campus, right? They would never let her come."

I tried really hard not to snicker up until that point. I was even going to be nice and concede that yes, crazy liberals are just as narrow minded as crazy conservatives, but when she said that, I had a really hard time keeping myself from shouting:

CRAZY, CRAZY WOMAN, WHO THE FREAK WOULD WANTS ANN COULTER? Who'd invite her!? Hsst. Hsst. Hsst. Away from me, crazy! AWAY!

But I couldn't. You never know what makes people click and what makes them crack. So I just frowned a little and put on a snide grin. And thank God, with a few more insults toward the Bo' and some loving words for the Reagan administration, the woman wrapped up her speech and pretty much just left without making anymore conversation.

When I returned from church, I naively thought that I needed to read up on Coulter before I could say nasty things about her. I turned to google, which presented me with the unfortunate birthday connection, but also reminded me that, oh yes, it's perfectly legit to hate Ann Coulter. It's been about twelve hours, but I still shudder just thinking about what transpired this morning.