Three Little Letters

Dear Kid in the LIbrary Eating a Few Carrels From Me:

Now, I love sneaking food into the library as much as the next person, nay, perhaps even more, but there are limits to everything. And your food, my stealthy friend, is a too loud for my taste. Why not chicken noodle soup, man? Or breadsticks? Or maybe a nice thick milkshake? Personally, I would recommend the vanilla milkshake with a shot of espresso. Whatever alternatives you choose, the viscious crunching has got to stop. The crushing noises you make (what is it, peanut brittle? pretzels? the sound of your teeth shattering one by one?) disturb me.

Sincerely,

Distracted.



Dear Student With Barefeet Up on the Chair Before Him in Physics:

Boy, stop rubbing your nasty soles on the chair in front of you. Good people rest their heads on those chairs! Just nasty! And you wonder why there's a lice epidemic in the freshmen dorms.

Sincerely,

Disgusted.


Dear Girl Who Walked into Neurobio While Class Was Deep in Session and Didn't Realize that You Were in the Wrong Class Until Quite a Few Minutes After You Sat Down and then Silently Walked Out of the Class Again-

HA HA HA HA HA. You first years bring me joy.

Sincerely,

Delighted.