Come Back Another Day

Dear British Reader(s),
First of all, I worry about the state of your oral hygiene. No wonder folks on the other side of the Atlantic make fun of you so. I may have bad flossing habits, but at least I recognize that I ought to floss.
Second of all, the AC comment need not apply to you guys. It doesn't get hot in Britain, it gets vaguely warm, especially in Eddie Bert. But here? Oh, it is so hot, hot, hot. Temperatures are in the thirties daily (they use Celsius here, just as you humble folks do. This translates to the nineties and beyond in Fahrenheit terms. How proud am I that I can spell Fahrenheit right? Probably more than I should be).
And third, I miss my mosque curry, or, as Dan calls it, 'holy curry.' (American Dan, not to be confused with British Dan.) There are many mosques here and many Muslims (bet you didn't know that about Chinar, yeah, this province is a special autonomous region for Hui Chinese, who are Chinese Muslims. Don't ask me details, because I'm fuzzy about them and their history), but no curry. Your silly but endearing accents are also sort of missed. Along with all those funny museums with no entrance fees. Entrance fees here totally rip people off and you have to pay so many of them just to see one 'attraction.' Like a mostly empty underground tomb of one of the many, many, many important emperors of some bygone era. And their wax figures aren't as funny as the ones in the People's History Museum. And I would say that I miss you guys, but then all my throngs of readers on the other side of the Atlantic would get jealous, and well, you guys already lost pretty badly in 1776, I wouldn't want y'all to lose face again, so...
Fourthly, as you people say, if today was opposite day, I'd be in Eddie Bert (or even Maine) instead of here. They. Get. No. Rain. Here. EVER. Last week, it poured for about six hours straight, the really heavy stuff you see in New England summers. Many roads were flooded, crops ruined, and ceilings leaked. It was the worst rain they'd had in fifty years. Six hours of work. Many people had never seen rain like it. SIX HOURS was all it took. A few years ago, the region went two years without a drop of rain. How easy was the weatherman's job? Just like the Eddie Bert weatherchannel forecast, rain rain, everyday, but in reverse. Imagine if Eddie Bert stayed dry for two weeks, nay, days. SIX HOURS.
I think my work is done here. See you the next time I get internet access.