On Good Behavior

With chance of parole.

The British food system just gets more confusing.

Fiona (in front of the refreshment table at church, before our huge lunch): I've had so much food already today. I've had bread, cheesecake, shortbread, scones, crisps, and flapjacks.

Moi: Flapjacks? Where'd you get flapjacks?

Liston (the American who's been in Eddie Bert for awhile): That is a flapjack.



(Just what exactly is flappy about this flapjack?)













Fiona: So what do you call these things in America? Just oat things?

Moi (after a few minutes of thinking what clever name I'd call it): Actually, yeah. I was just thinking of them as oat thingys.

(Wikipedia says that in the UK, flapjack is "a tray bake made from rolled oats and syrup," sort of like a granola bar.)

Later, talking about the absurd amount of food we were consuming (we had to, church people made it for us and it would have been rude to refuse. Sometimes we have to learn to serve and sometimes, to be served). Fiona pointed out that her apple pie was "practically a fruit salad."

From there, with that impeccable logic, we just took off, justifying all that we ate. The Pringles? Easy. Potatoes- vegetables. Chocolate cake? Cocoa beans- beans- vegetable. Vanilla ice cream? Vanilla beans- vegetable. Somewhere in the background, Heather kept pointing out that neither corn, potato, nor sweet potato was a vegetable, but we ignored her. Heather's studying to be a vet.

Moi: Hey, if it's an animal question, we'll ask you, ok? Leave the vegetables to us.

Another girl questioned the amount of beans that actually went to each dessert instead of say, an actual serving size of vegetables. But we pointed out that we were all made equal in God's eyes and that we shouldn't let things like serving size get in the way of that and that really showed her. Plus, have we mentioned how packed with calcium ice cream is? And how the same goes for the filling of eclairs? And how we're supporting to cocoa farmers in South America? On the way to our daily three-to-fives, we just might reach sainthood first.