BraveHeart

Ever have a feeling that you're one of those stories people always tell? That you're Christmas party material? Yeah, Big Boss (the littlest of them all) has that feeling, too. Well, we have a feeling that she is at least, she's one of those stories people tell when they share horrible first dates, and we're also pretty sure her story would be one to win, every single time.

Hunting, you see, is one of those empowering, one-with-nature, bonding rituals that people everywhere, except in civilized societies, practice. Oh, did I just impose some suburban Massachusetts ideals on to this discourse? I think I did. Anyway, Big Boss once went hunting withThen-But Not Now-Boyfriend. TBNNB told her about the beauty and sanctity of taking the deer's heart and some crap about fellowship with nature and using all the body parts and respecting the deer, thanking it for its sacrifice mumble jumble. Point was, this was all especially beautiful if you ate the deer's heart fresh upon its death. TBNNB made a bet with friends that Big Boss would do it. And Big Boss, when asked to, took a bite of the raw heart and swallowed.

Fastforward a few years. On a first date, Big Boss goes hunting with Date. I don't understand why she's always killing deer either, but whatever, they shoot a deer and it dies. Big Boss asks, "Oh, aren't you going to cut the heart out?" Date, because he is a sensible man, is a little creeped out. Big Boss, remembering the words of TBNNB explains the beauty and fellowship spiel. Date goes along with it, cuts the heart out. Big Boss, not knowing when to stop, and presuming that all hunters believed in this sanctity and heart biting, proceeds to ask, "Aren't you going to eat it?" Date hesitates. Big Boss grabs the heart and takes a bite. Date is freaked out and never calls back.

Upon hearing that story, we all feared Big Boss a little bit more.
And just because I'm feeling generous, here's another Christmas story kid, and her name, as is quickly becoming familiar at The Wonder Years, is Ellie. She's a special senior in college.

(So we're at lunch, Band Man doesn't believe I have friends, but whatever, we're talking about movies and television shows we like...)

Ellie: When I watch TV, I can't just sit there and watch. I have to do something. So I color when I watch TV.

Moi: And what do you color?

Ellie: Coloring books.

Band Man: Like Dora and Clifford coloring books?

Ellie: Yeah. Well, I can't draw, so I just color. I'm really good at it.