The Customer Is Always Dead

Yes, I have been away. Remember that old Xanga adage about how the number of entries decrease when I have better things to do? Yeah, well, that applies. Except by "better things to do" I mean "swamped with work." Honestly, the past couple of days have been stressful but also so freaking hilarious. It's too bad I can't share any of it. I can, however, tell you about Costco.

Costco loves its customers. And that's why they offer the best selection of everything in bulk. On the Costco webpage (too lazy to link it for you), you can find tabs for sports and rec equipment, wine and food, electronics, and yes, of course, the ol' casket and urn.

I don't know about you, but the question, "WHY, COSTCO? WHY?!" came to mind when I first saw that, along with Rege's concern of "Do I have to buy in bulk?" Well, to answer those questions, here are select highlights from Costco's Casket and Urn FAQ selection.


Q: Why is Costco Wholesale selling caskets?

As a service to our members.

Q: Can we choose other colors or options?

Not at this time. We have selected the most popular styles and colors, with the highest quality linings.

THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC OR OTHER EVIDENCE THAT ANY CASKET WITH A SEALING DEVICE WILL PRESERVE HUMAN REMAINS


Q: How long before I receive the casket?

A casket ordered on Costco.com will be delivered within three business days (Monday through Friday, excluding holidays) from the date the order is placed (for exceptions see below). If your order is placed by 12:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time (EST), that is considered as one business day.

All purchases are subject to credit card approval before the order is valid. Credit card holds or declines can delay the orders beyond the stated delivery parameters.

Additionally, Acts of God, weather-related conditions and states of emergencies can delay delivery beyond the stated delivery parameters.

(That's golden, the lecture about Acts of God to families of the deceased.)

Some other great questions frequently posed:

Q: Can you order a casket for preplanning purposes? (Save when you buy in bulk!)

Q: What is the sales policy/guarantee? (As in return policy... shudder)

Q: Where do the caskets come from? (When a mommy casket and a daddy casket love each other very much...)

I heart Costco.