A Thousand Words

So I was just thinking, you know what would be wicked stalker-ly of me? If I posted my professors' pictures here. And people could connect names to faces. But mostly, it's because my professors look hilarious. Well, maybe not. And maybe I'll regret this when they google their own name and this place (because of the hundreds of billions of hits it gets per day) shows up, and they get creeped out and ask me not to go back to class or worse yet, start reading what I think of them. But I'm feeling reckless, so here goes:


This is the Band Man. And the randomest/creepiest professor picture ever. The Band Man uses words I vaguely understand and phrases comments in wordy ways, like, "Not unlike the neo-classicalists, the hegemony of the modernizationists over this global dialogue..." He's always quoting somebody. It's astounding. And not the way I quote Newsradio, I mean these are legit quotes that shed light on important matters. While most diehard soc activist kids (esp. the girls) describe him as "so good" and "so nice," Ranwei more accurately describes him as "awkward," and I'd like to throw "sarcastic" into the mix (See: conversation on 'chilling'). Has a fondness for blue doritoes. Then again, who doesn't?


There used to be a picture here for BSketch. Now there isn't. Googleimage had linked her name to a few half naked and some not naked oil portraits (they were clothed, but partying and drinking Pepsi- a rather un-soc soft drink), but it was later discovered that she did not indeed paint those portraits. A disappointment, yes, but more of a relief than anything else.

This is the Anal Chem professor. Not to be confused with 'the anal Chem professor.' (Have I already explained that Analyt Chem= Anal Chem?) Wages daily battles with the computer and his record is barely on the winning side. Has deep bitterness toward our textbook ("Some people call this the constant while others the coefficient. What does the book say? Coefficient? Then I'll call it the constant. The book and I will be in disagreement.") and teaches the class with great confidence ("I haven't taught this class since 1984."). Is at his best when his remarks are deprecating.


This is Page. The Biochem Man. Every lecture starts with him scanning the room as we chat ("this is the chattiest group I've had in a long time. That's a good thing, don't lose that innocence.") and him clearing his throat saying, "Now that we've reached a critical mass, I think we may begin." Adorable professor full of quips and car analogies mixed in with metabolism talks. "Ok, but the bacteria don't vote, so let's take a look at ourselves instead." (Explaining why our make-up lecture was longer than the normal class: "It's really more of ao rush for me to get the extra fifteen minutes, so please, just let me bask in that.")


This picture takes the cake when it comes to portraits of any sort, especially considering his personality. This is Walty. Responds to things that please him in loud, bellowing laughs that stop as abruptly as they began (he went through an entire semester two years ago without laughing, and it is only now, because he's in "a good mood this semester," that we see smiles and hear laughter). Has written a book with Jabbar and Sharpton, but I can't wrap my mind around that quite yet. Uses a duffle bag in place of a suitcase. Holds office hours early in the morning to weed out visitors (excellent). And seems to be the antithesis of his good friend the PuMan. Speaks in a soft, flat monotone, and allows for many, many pregnant pauses often interrupted only by his own sighs.