Dear Students Eating Apples In Class,

Please stop it. I didn't get the memo, so I missed how this was the cool thing to do all the sudden. (And don't you dare use the apple-picking season as an excuse. Dining services has them every single day and you know it. It's not like you'd actually leave the bubble for apple-picking. I tried that once and came back with blueberries.) The crunching of each bite creeps me out. Apples are loud. Distracting. And disgusting when their juices are sprayed all over the desk. The way your teeth sink in and slice down the apples at the beginning of bite- that makes me cringe the most. So please, no more interfering with my learning atmosphere. It's hard enough to focus on my doodles with the professors ranting on, I don't need you disturbing my artwork.

Yours truly,

Stomping on the Appleseed

ps. I like apples. If I could only choose five fruit to have, I'd choose apples. But not in class. In the classroom, I'd choose a quiet banana.