Thursday Trio

In eighth grade, I learned the phrase "arch nemesis" from Lenny. She said weird stuff like that. I also learned that Azerbajean was a country. But we weren't really nemeses. She always bested me, in smarts, awkwardity, and the random acts of life. And she hasn't stopped. I get hit by a Mack truck. A boulder rolls onto her car. I have a ghastly swollen leg due to a reaction to a mosquito. She has a spider bite. On the face.

Moi (after determining that she's OK, or perhaps right before): Do you look funny?

Lenny: One cheek is swollen. So it looks like I'm halfheartedly hoarding food.

Damn you, Lenny. She's even got her own punch line.

Ashley (trying very hard to surprise Mark for his birthday): Quick, I need an alibi.

Moi: How are you going to bake a carrot cake without him knowing?

Ashley: I'm going to tell him that I'm going to Kelly's to work on his present.

Moi: So your alibi is the truth?

Ashley: … yeah. I guess I'm OK.

Ran into Professor Papa today, carrying his cap and gown.

Moi: Commencement was a few days ago.

Papa: Dang it. I just missed it. Actually, I just like to carry this around.

Max: It does suit you very well.

Moi: Brings out the color of your eyes.

Papa: If I don't return this tomorrow, they're going to charge me.

Whoa, what? Not even professors get to keep their gowns? What kind of cheapass institution do I attend? (And what kind of cheapass professor would rather wear a rented gown for 30 years?)