Let This Plate Pass From Me

On Sunday, I had a Park Street first.  (Can't be sure if it's a complete church first for me.  I vaguely remember ushering in high school).  I was summoned to collect the offering by one Sir Thomas, who likes to leave the surprise of assigning such a responsibility until the last minute (and also has trouble remembering to return glasses, though he is very powerful when he speaks of Kenyan orphans, and that's why we forgive him for everything).  I was climbing up the church steps when Katy announced, from Thomas's moving car, that I should stick close.  Given the task, I would have liked to obsess over every detail myself, but I had to instead assure Katy that everything would be fine.  "How could we possibly mes up," I asked her, "Everyone knows what to do.  You just pass the plate."  All the while, I imagined myself tripping down the aisle, plates on the ground, checks flying everywhere, and being escorted out the church by those ushers who have been 80 for the past 40 years.  My fears weren't allayed when we the offering time began and the two men in the first row, heavy in prayer, at first didn't notice me and my plate.  When they finally did, one man refused to play along and pased the plate in the wrong direction, completely messing up formation, got Katy off track, and led to copious confusion.  Though, let's be honest, there's confusion every week.  The greatest challenge of the whole ordeal, however, was in keeping a straight, solemn face, especially when we heard the loud clang of a dropped plate from the balcony.  My facial muscles twitched in a thousand directions trying to look grave- there was anxiety that I, too, might drop the plate, glee that someone else had messed up so ridiculously, and great pride that I hadn't dropped the plate and was almost done (though it didn't stop nicole from accusing us of causing the disturbance).  And yet, and yet, we managed.  Handed the money back (Thomas says my cut should arrive in the mail next week), and sat back in our pews.  Perhaps, after all, I'm capable of acting the role of a grown up.