Contrary to whatever objections Ilene might have had, Liz has a beautiful, lovable dog named Athena. The dog is sweet, beautiful, and wonderfully tempered. And brilliant for having a fondness for me. I'm not the only one who likes Athena. Plenty of Liz's friends do. And allegiance to her leads them to do crazy things.
Alene: I want to steal her and take her home.
Brian: I will come hunt you down if you do that.
Alene: I will fight for her.
[Let's pause for a second here so I can properly set the scene. Brian does not own Athena. Neither does Alene. Speaking of Alene- she is one of the sweetest person I have ever met, almost freakishly so. She is considerate to a fault, anti-violence, anti-guns, anti-oppression, and will often feel bad at even the thought of someone else's feelings being hurt. She is also a good foot smaller than Brian.]
Brian: If you fight me, you will die.
Alene (truly giddy as she figures out these consequences): Then you'll spend your life in jail. And Peter (Alene's husband) will get to have the dog! That's perfect.
Moi: Except that you're dead, he's in jail, and Peter, who doesn't want a dog, will have Athena. This is far from ideal.
Alene: Oh, we will go into witness protection with Athena then you won't be able to find us.
Brian: I don't think you understand how crime works. You can't go into witness protection for stealing the dog. You're the bad guy.
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