Dressing Like a Pro

(sidebar: A google search for 'dressing like a p-' leads to autocomplete suggestions of dressing like a professor, prostitute, and playboy bunny. What is this world coming to?)

The past few days has been the annual research meeting for health services research. At the sessions, I try my best, like the rest of my peers, to act professionally (wear heels), to network (gross), and connect with former colleagues (ask Doc Query about his kids' birthday parties). It all starts with the idea that if I dress the part, then I will act and feel the part. Unfortunately, looking nice in dresses seems to be the only thing I'm successful in.

Scenario 1: On the way to the restroom, I spot Advisor Who and Doc Nice, each engrossed in separate conversations. I mean to say hi to either, but seeing that it was too complicated to butt in, merely walk around them to head for the restroom, only to be called out:

Who: Is that who I think it is? You didn't just sneak by your mentor- your two mentors- without saying hello to either of us?

Moi: Uh... hello. (introduce myself to person he was talking to) 

Who: Were you heading somewhere?

Moi: Uh... bathroom? But I'd much rather stand here and talk with you two.

Person: The moment has passed?

Who: It depends.

(a thousand eye rolls)

Scenario 2: A group of us pile into the hotel elevator.  Half of us are heading up to a Hopkins reception, the other half, including Former Prof Not Atul, are not.

Moi: Sorry [Not Atul], this is a Hopkins-only event.

Not Atul: That's OK.  I understand.  It's for the few and the proud.

[Ilene commentary: This is where you should have stopped, but no, you had to mumble.]

Moi: (largely to myself and Ilene)  I'm starving.

Not Atul: What's that?

Moi: Oh... nothing.  I just said I'm starving.  I didn't mean for everyone to hear.

Not Atul: (loudly, to the whole elevator) She's starving, you guys, did you catch that?

Scenario 3: To meet up with Whitecastle for lunch, I patiently wait for him to field many questions and meet many people after his session.

Moi: I feel like a groupie.

Whitecastle: You sort of are.