Of Knives and Naifs

The TSA and I have a little routine.  Every three months or so, I give the TSA a small, classic Swiss Army knife.  Sometimes it's a red one.  Sometimes it's purple.  Sometimes I remember the knife and dump it into a trash can or a TSA receptacle.  Sometimes the TSA finds a knife in my backpack that I thought I'd lost, and then throws it out for me ("Oh!  I'd been looking for that."  "Well, we have some extra tools to help us find them... but I'm still going to have to throw this out").  In the days before I flew regularly (i.e. the days when I didn't live in the 6th deadliest city in America), I used to hang onto knives for years.  I'd remember to take it off my keychain and put it into my checked bags and everything.  Nowadays, I gift my little, non-threatening gadget to the TSA once every other trip.

To remedy this problem and stop hemorrhaging money (why do I need a Swiss Army knife?  tweezers!  scissors!  nail file!  and a really dull blade.  who doesn't want to carry such fun around?), I recently made my first eBay purchase and bought a lot of 5 knives (probably from the TSA- they do a brisk confiscated goods resale business) on the cheap.  It's really not as unabomber as it sounds.  I promise.  Except, well, it is to eBay.  And now I get email notifications of all sorts of knife sales.  No matter how I try to unsubscribe from the emails.  eBay really wants me to bid on more weaponry.

Moi: These are totally innocuous tools.

TChu: Guns are innocuous until they kill someone.  Come on, public health PhD.

Touche, TChu.  Touche.