Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Le Diner de Cons

I may or may not have used this title; the google is giving me conflicting messages. Either way, don't say this in class, Claire. It has a not-nice word.

A few months ago, to demonstrate the sampling powers of Stata, our professor used the program to randomly draw 8 names out of the hundred-plus students in the class. Those lucky students would have dinner with him. I was one of those students. For everyone else in the group, tonight was a chance for the professor to get to know them, earn brownie points, and get a free meal. A win-win-win. But I beat the odds and lost on all 3.

Things went downhill almost from the start:

Waiter: Would anyone like anything to drink?

Prof: Go ahead, guys, feel free to order whatever you'd like.

Moi: Vietnamese coffee, iced.

Everyone else at the table: "Water" "Water" "Water"..."Water"

Prof: I'll just have water, please.

Then there was Captain Bloody Heart:

Moi: Interesting, everyone is getting pho. (I got vermicelli)

Bloody Boy: I just love that stuff.

Moi: I do, too, but I don't trust broth I haven't tested. (1. Not in a Vietnamese neighborhood, 2. has the name of an herb in the restaurant name, and 3. all English menu- you'd be suspicious, too)

Bloody Boy: Oh, I've learned to eat whatever is given to me. After spending time in Kenya, I'm grateful for all food.

Hearing this, I couldn't decide between throwing up or slapping the boy (brass knuckles seem severe, Zvi), but everyone else regarded Captain Bloody Heart with fondness, so I held my tongue. This allowed the professor to turn to me for my one-on-one spotlight of the night:

Professor: So do you believe there should be one China?

Totally bringing brass knuckles to class.

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