Heal Thyself

Are you looking for a primary care physician?  Are you on a long waiting list for a specialist?  If that's the case, I have some bad news.  They're all too busy being at my school.

In addition to making money off of its poor sucker students, my school runs these physician leadership seminars to make money off of people who already have money.  Lots of money.  And they do it every other day.  The classrooms across the hall from my lecture hall (I say "my" because I have all 4 classes in the same classroom- even when we split up to take exams, I am always assigned to that one room.  It's all very Truman and I'm not even sure if there are other classrooms here.  But I sure pay for them!) always have tables set up full of forbidden fruit.  And forbidden yogurt.  Coffee.  Granola.  Sandwiches.  Cookies.  Sparkling water.  All sorts of other things we're not allowed to eat.  They put up signs that say "for physician leadership only."  And set up people whose sole jobs it is to shoo away hungry grad students. 

The way my econ class has taught me to see it is this:  we are not creating enough incentives for doctors to want to stay at their jobs and not come to these cushy seminars full of elitist food.  So you, dear patients, must give your physicians a reason to want to see you.  I implore you, people, make up exciting injuries, pay your doctors far, far beyond the $10 copay, and get yourselves a lower-cut shirt.  Restore peace to my school.  I get very hungry looking at scones.