The Chocolate War

After the past weekend, my house was awash in chocolate. There was Chelsea's gigantic chocolate cake, completely uneaten, three quarters of Nick's chocolate tofu pie, and half of a mysterious chocolate torte whose origins remain unclear. So, faced with a daunting task too big for one to handle alone, I did what anyone else would do in my situation: I outsourced, bringing the chocolate cake to small group then work, leaving others to eat my dirty work. But I should have known that I wouldn't be the only one with the idea.

Brilliant but Devious Doc (who needs a new nickname because his name is a. too long and b. it's been awhile since he's lived up to the title, so we're switching to Doc Query, or just Query for short) also brought in leftover chocolate. His was spiked with alcohol to boot. Who wouldn't choose dark, alcoholic chocolate over store-bought cake laden with frosting? The entire division, I hoped. Of course, one could propose cake and liquor to exist peacefully side by side. Why must everything be a competition, you might ask, when the two choices could work together for the benefit of the division and when Query clearly didn't care which went faster? Why? Because life is much more fun when it's a competition. When life is a competition, my chances of winning are that much greater. And so it was on.

We both had a rough start in the beginning. Apparently, not many people wake up desiring either chocolate cake or chocolate liqueurs with their morning coffee. I also had the disadvantage of having chocolate in much greater quantities and less attractive packaging. But by 10am, I could see signs of promise and by lunch time, I had a commanding lead. There was some question over whether my cake was homemade. The revelation that it wasn't seemed to disappoint (did that mean the cake was ugly?) but within a few hours, the cake was gone. The chocolate liquers were not. Boo-yah.

Query: (acting completely gracious) That's good cake.

Moi: Oh, thanks. How're your chocolates going?

Query: People need to space them out throughout the day, you know? I think your cake is going faster.

Moi: So I'm winning (announcing for the first time that this was a competition)? Yes! (being cool and subtle is not a strong suit)

Query: You can announce it at the next division meeting, how's that?

I think I'd like that very much.

That's Query: 1 (scrabble); Moi: 1 (cake hawking)