Not My Style

Three Stories on Personal Style

I hate schmoozing and generally suck at polite chit chat, which is why if and when I do suck up, I like to do it in such an exaggerated manner that people must know that I'm joking, but are still just a little bit flattered. Most people know to laugh it off, but there's always that one person in the crowd who thinks I just really suck at being subtle.

So we're standing in line for our lunch conference, I've already grabbed my sandwiches, there's still a steady line of hungry people waiting, but I want to go back for some hot sauce. I patiently stand on the edge of the line waiting for people to pass by and grab their sandwiches first when Doc Gollum (he's a great guy, but for some reason more than reminds me of Gollum) steps back and stops the sandwich line for me.

Gollum: Why don't you go ahead-

Moi: Wow, really? Thank you. I'll be real quick.

Gollum: Sure. Anything for hot sauce.

Moi: Thanks so much. You're totally my favorite doctor! (really, how can you not love someone who holds their hunger so you can get hot sauce on your sub? I turn head and spot another faculty member behind him, staring at me) I mean, definitely top five. (turn to faculty behind) You are included there, too.

Supervisor: (sigh) You're such a suck up.

Hm. She doesn't complain when it's she that I'm sucking up to.

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Doc Whitecastle: Oh, I just replied to [angry pharma lady]'s email, telling her what an idiot she was.

Moi: Really? I thought we were going to be bigger people and just ignore how wrong she was.

Doc Whitecastle: Clearly, that's not how I roll.

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It may make you sad to know how drab my life has become but I'm pretty excited about tomorrow night. Instead of the usual Friday dinner and a movie with myself, I'm babysitting a two and a half year old. I haven't babysat in almost a decade but I like kids. I like keeping tabs and learning the names of as many church kids as I can. It's fun watching them grow up Sunday after Sunday without putting in any of the work. I'm not as natural with the giggly goofiness as more experienced pros, but I think kids like me. Dogs like me at least. Even though I don't have dogs. Or kiss them. Or address them as if they're babies. We just nod at each other going, "hey, you're all right." I bet it's the same with kids. It must be. Wow. It astounds me that I've lived long enough to remember not just one but two decades. And soon, I'll even have a few years to spare. I love being in my twenties.